there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
