I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
