i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
