My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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