Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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