her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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