I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
