So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
