So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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