we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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