Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
