I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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