Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
