Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my shit smells like andre
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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