Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
