Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
