we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How external is "for external use only"?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
