More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
