I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
