Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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