"it" just moved
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
