Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
