love makes seman taste better
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
