I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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