Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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