4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
