i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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