apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
