You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
