Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
