i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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