You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
