How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
