yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
