i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
