i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
