If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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