I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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