This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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