Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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