Too much gin, very little bucket
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fill condoms, not promises.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
