what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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