I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
