She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
