Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well you can't waste a boner
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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