Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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