I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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