i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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