I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
