I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
