What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
