ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You ruined the universe
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
