My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
