i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
